Wednesday, May 27, 2015

What You've Taught Me

Today is May 27th.
It's been exactly one month since I lost you.
 
I guess because school is out and I've not written the date on the board this week, I didn't realize it was the 27th until about an hour ago.
And then I fell apart.
 
But I also started thinking about everything that has happened in the past month and I realized that I have learned a lot.
 
-You were the messy one. Somehow I've managed to keep the dishes loaded, the clothes picked up, and the bathroom clean (although I do desperately miss seeing your little beard whiskers in the sink).
 
-Except for my shoes. I'm sorry for all those times you tripped over my shoes. Thank you for always putting them away for me. I had to pick up 3 pairs just tonight from the living room floor.
 
-I CAN mow the grass. And pull the weeds, blow the driveway, and trim the bushes.
 
-I CAN'T bring myself to throw away your old, nasty cigarettes. They are still sitting right where you left them.
 
-You had 12 watches, 6 pairs of Ray-Bans, 17 pairs of shorts, and 23 ties. Not to mention all the shoes....I stopped counting after 50. Really, Wes???
 
-I finally settled the argument-it was you who always left the bathroom door open.
 
-Your t-shirts are way cozier than mine.
 
-I find myself still buying the things you liked. Somehow Oreos and Cliff Bars managed to end up in my grocery buggy.
 
-You can still make me laugh.

-I cannot finish a gallon of milk before it goes bad. No more buying 2 gallons a week...a half gallon will suffice.
 
-Car rides are the hardest. I should probably just keep a tube of waterproof mascara in my glove box.
 
-I will probably end up burning down the house without you coming behind me to turn off the stove. Seriously...this is an issue.
 
-You hid Hostess cupcakes in the guest room. I found your stash of empty wrappers under the pillows. Oh, and I also found the empty box under the kitchen sink.
 
-I feel you everywhere. From the geese at your gravesite to the coke bottles in the cooler, I feel your presence everywhere I go and I know that you are with me.
 
-Love is stronger than grief. Every time grief threatens to swallow me whole, I think of an inside joke we had or a funny moment we shared and it pulls me back out.
 
-I am so thankful to have gotten to spend 11 years by your side. We somehow managed to create a lifetime of memories in those 11 short years.
 
-You were, and are, loved by so many. And we miss you so very, very much.
 



12 comments:

  1. Love, hugs, and prayers for you, sweet friend. :) I love how you can both laugh and cry through this. Even I did when reading through your list. That secret stash of Hostess cupcakes is pretty dang funny! I can't imagine the roller coaster of emotions you're on. Please know that you have a GINORMOUS support system and we're here for you in whatever way you need us.

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  2. Oh Natalie. This post is, yet another, beautiful post. I find myself crying when I read these perfect words about your husband. I find myself grieving with you. Hang on to those precious memories. Hang on to those sweet things that remind you of him. Hang on to those great girlfriends that you can lean on. You are loved.

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  3. Sending you lots and lots and lots and lots of love!!!!

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  4. My heart breaks for you every time I read a post about your husband. I'm so sorry for your loss. I love how you are remembering him and the love you have for him shines so bright! Hugs and healing prayers to you.

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  5. What a beautiful post. So poignant and spoken from the heart. Sending you the strength you need and lots of good thoughts!

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  6. Sending you love, thoughts, and prayers. What an unbelievably touching post.

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  7. What a touching post! Hugs!!!

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  8. You're so strong, seriously. Keep those memories!

    And yes, car rides? The WORST.

    Anisa @ Creative Undertakings

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  9. I can't even imagine what you must be going through, but I think of you every day. Big hugs to you...

    Mel

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  10. My heart breaks for you, but I am so incredibly proud of you as I read your words in this post! I cannot even imagine what you are going through, but know that the crazy K teacher in East TN continues to keep you in her prayers! :)

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  11. I'm a friend of your mothers from many years ago. I have never lost a husband or a child. I cannot imagine the void in your life from the loss of Wes. You are going through something someone of your age should not have to experience, and my heart breaks for you. I am so proud of you, and laughed and cried reading this latest post. You are a survivor, sweetheart. God bless you. You are in my prayers.

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I LOVE reading your comments!!!

Natalie