What You've Taught Me

Today is May 27th.

It's been exactly one month since I lost you.

 

I guess because school is out and I've not written the date on the board this week, I didn't realize it was the 27th until about an hour ago.

And then I fell apart.

 

But I also started thinking about everything that has happened in the past month and I realized that I have learned a lot.

 

-You were the messy one. Somehow I've managed to keep the dishes loaded, the clothes picked up, and the bathroom clean (although I do desperately miss seeing your little beard whiskers in the sink).

 

-Except for my shoes. I'm sorry for all those times you tripped over my shoes. Thank you for always putting them away for me. I had to pick up 3 pairs just tonight from the living room floor.

 

-I CAN mow the grass. And pull the weeds, blow the driveway, and trim the bushes.

 

-I CAN'T bring myself to throw away your old, nasty cigarettes. They are still sitting right where you left them.

 

-You had 12 watches, 6 pairs of Ray-Bans, 17 pairs of shorts, and 23 ties. Not to mention all the shoes....I stopped counting after 50. Really, Wes???

 

-I finally settled the argument-it was you who always left the bathroom door open.

 

-Your t-shirts are way cozier than mine.

 

-I find myself still buying the things you liked. Somehow Oreos and Cliff Bars managed to end up in my grocery buggy.

 

-You can still make me laugh.

-I cannot finish a gallon of milk before it goes bad. No more buying 2 gallons a week...a half gallon will suffice.

 

-Car rides are the hardest. I should probably just keep a tube of waterproof mascara in my glove box.

 

-I will probably end up burning down the house without you coming behind me to turn off the stove. Seriously...this is an issue.

 

-You hid Hostess cupcakes in the guest room. I found your stash of empty wrappers under the pillows. Oh, and I also found the empty box under the kitchen sink.

 

-I feel you everywhere. From the geese at your gravesite to the coke bottles in the cooler, I feel your presence everywhere I go and I know that you are with me.

 

-Love is stronger than grief. Every time grief threatens to swallow me whole, I think of an inside joke we had or a funny moment we shared and it pulls me back out.

 

-I am so thankful to have gotten to spend 11 years by your side. We somehow managed to create a lifetime of memories in those 11 short years.

 

-You were, and are, loved by so many. And we miss you so very, very much.